the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
