i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
