Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
