Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
