Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
