So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
