i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
