i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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