I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
