Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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