I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
