i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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