thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
