how can u be prego again
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
