someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
