if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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