Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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