I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
