So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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