he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
