i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
