I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You took a bar mat shot.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
