yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
