So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
