If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
