We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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