I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
