eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
