11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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