Heybabeimwearingurpanties
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
