the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
