they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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