I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
