Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
