I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
