birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
