If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
