Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
