his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
