Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
