Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
