What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
