Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My feet surprised me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
