There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
do herpes really smell.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Sober January is a disaster.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
