i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
