EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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