i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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