Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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