My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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