Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
