omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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