I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
