I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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