I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
