There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I had to cum in my sink.
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