last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
