She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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