Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Damn victory sex feels great
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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