I must be too annoying 4 u.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
