'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
