I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have fence marks all over my body
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
