Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
