Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize