I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
