VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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