they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
