dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
