i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
